For me at least. Driving home from my friend's daughters show choir performance at the Jenks Performing Arts Center I made a decision. A decision to a ponderation of mine that has lingered for several weeks, months, maybe years. Writing. I start, I try to keep journals, and I fail. My hand gets tired. I can't think of what I want to write about. I doodle. Whatever it may be, I fail to write. So here I go.
Second ponderation, yes, that is a word, I just looked it up. My mind, my memory. Being able to recall moments of specific days in my past. Such as the fact that today marks the first truly bitter cold morning I've experience yet this fall. The sign that winter is on its way. A sign that, although the fall has been long and wonderful, we are about to enter the season of winter coats, boots, scarfs, and hats. One that I long to be in Colorado for, to enjoy the powdery white snow in lieu of sheets of ice. Oh Oklahoma. You are, Okay.
So to remedy this second ponderation, I want to write about my day. Through use of this keyboard on my worn macbook, because it has come to my attention that I would much rather type away at 48 wpm than scratch letters into paper. A cumbersome process if you do not have that perfect pen. Its usually in my purse, or desk, or back seat of my car.
I started out the third day of November, 2011, awoken by the sound of cars rushing down 3rd street. Their destination unbeknownst to me, work most likely. Or home after the 3rd shift. My intention, as per usual, to soak up every last moment of my bed that I could. Yet, this morning I felt alert, and I must add, that it's the first time I remember waking up before my alarm with a feeling of, "Oh, I should get up." I welcome that sensation, since I've dreaded dragging my legs out from beneath the covers for weeks. If not months. The burdensome cloak of depression has lifted! I'm not afraid to share that. Why should I be? So many people deal with this dark demon, many without mention or recognition. I shot mine in the head, with the help of my friends and a little pill named Prozac.
Getting up and ready, thinking I could make it into the office by 8:00, 8:30am, I decided to sit and enjoy my green juice in front of TED Talks instead. I watched a video about the simplification of legal jargon in the myriad forms and documents created by the government and various corporations. Brilliant I must add. To reduce the level of apprehension and increase transparency, I think it made a valuable impression on my opinion of those chants made by Occupy Wall Streeters. If only I could make them watch that video.
I wrote an email to the gentlemen I am seeing, just to entertain him with my thoughts towards the talk. I have no idea his opinion. I have not heard back...
I went to work with a feeling of rejuvenation, of excitement, left over from my discussion yesterday with my "two bosses." I was relatively productive today, sent out all of the press releases to the media outlets we are connected to for our upcoming special programming at the Tulsa Historical Society as well as our January Family Concert Series performance with The Claptet. I was rather unamused by Mr. Porter's response to my request for more information about why he wanted us to pay his friend $400 to add him to the show...so I think I will gently decline the offer. We're not made of money, however fortunate that would make us. And me. I'm happy to be excited again.
Lunch was great. Leftovers from dinner last night. I really need to become more efficient in my cooking...it'd save me so much time during the week. Who wants to eat the same thing day in and day out, though? Boring.
I procrastinated this afternoon, facebooked, searched rental car prices for my trip to Denver. (SO excited). The meeting with Mayfest ED, Heather, was fruitful. I came away feeling eager to plan next years event...and anxious about the idea of taking on more than one day. Yikes. That means I will have to have my shit together. Here come Ms. Professional. I hope.
Carsen's performance at the PAC in Jenks was delightful. To hear the talents of youth exude from their nervously excited selves is encouraging. Hearing a song about how the can make a difference, through the sharing of their love, made me smile. The solo performances of high school students made me giggle, only because the girl who supposedly went on "America's Got Talent" was surprisingly...not surprising. The Elton John cover made me reminisce, and the song Callen sang along to was wonderful.
I hope that tomorrow brings new light and a feeling of continued relaxation that everything is moving into place. I feel more confident now that I did a year ago. I want to make things work for the better. I can not walk away from this place, this job, my friends, my loves, without trying harder. I realize that this sentiment means nothing without some context. I'll come back to it some time. I usually go in circles.
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